The Harmonious Duality Within and the Desire to be Known

I’m coming out of my shell.

I’ve spent my whole life being embarrassed about who I was, feeling ashamed, apologizing for myself, focusing on all my flaws, ….in fact, you wanna hear all my flaws? If I were to write a book on all the mistakes I have made and still make e-v-e-r-y single day, it would be at least 800 pages long. No kidding.

I am a slow learner and have a stubborn rebellious streak, so sometimes I make the same mistakes every day for days, weeks and months at a time. It is second nature for me to dwell on how so very wrong I am. And now, I am beginning to see… oiy … I am not so god awful.

And it’s not a sin in spite of what our culture would suggest.

I really would love to sometimes use the internet to talk about my secrets and confessions that place me in a negative light as a form of cathartic therapeutic release. And if it helped others feel less alone, that would be a bonus. I have wanted to do this for the longest time, but when I had tried this in the past, my experiment failed and I decided that the only way to use social media would be to only highlight my strengths instead of both my strengths AND weaknesses. I intuit strongly that it is very important to recognize our shadow (the unconscious parts of self we’re not aware of), but too many don’t understand the therapeutic nature of it. So, on Facebook, for example, it looks like everyone’s got the best life and happy all the time when in reality, there might be a deeper part of ourselves that we’d love to unleash as we might want to be KNOWN, but have to hide it order fit into this shallow world. We have to keep wearing that mask. As a result, we go Unknown to our internet friends. So if you’ve ever wondered that I must be living the high life or that the gods are favoring me, you’re wrong. Thankfully, I can share my less-than-favorable attributes with my husband. He gets it. But most people don’t, so I hide those dark parts from the world.

It’s not a sin to recognize your strengths or your weaknesses. This is how we are all united because we’ve got all of them. It’s about balance. And sometimes we have to go to the opposite extremes every once in a while to level the playing field until we feel secure enough to steady the boat.

Life is so much more complicated than the romanticized notions of how we feel everyone must behave. Truth be told, none of us fit into any kind of box!

Judge less, love more. Adios!

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