C-PTSD might go away when we feel the feelings revolved around the trauma. When the abuse is faced head-on we shall be free, but it takes time and it’s a process. Old feelings will begin to surface as our body becomes more prepared for it. The healthier we are, the better. The OCD, panic attacks, social withdrawal, and chronic anxiety are what happens when we suppress and hold on to our feelings. And we are never truly in control of our decisions and actions until we let go of all that pain by honoring our emotions with the full and complete expression of them such as the shame, rage, grief, terror, sadness, helplessness, powerlessness and hopelessness. If you don’t feel those feelings now, it might be because you’re still being protected from them and not ready yet. Either that, or you are using addictions and distractions. We need to be in a loving, supportive and safe environment without too much distraction in order for those feelings to feel safe to surface.
We live in a world where we have to pretend to be okay and strong and hold everything in, but that is the cause of PTSD and physical illnesses. PTSD is not the result of trauma; it’s the result of repression/suppression of childhood feelings. We’re all hardwired to deal with trauma, and while as children we need to dissociate, as adults, we are not physically or mentally designed to hold on to pain. Eventually, we won’t have any choice but to relive and allow our inner children to feel and express as they had wanted to but couldn’t.
The need for control is a result of our inner child feeling powerless (all happening unconsciously) and the OCD might be our way of compensating for those feelings of powerlessness, though, it’s not real power. The real power returns when the emotions are no longer acted out and felt instead.
We split off from ourselves during our abuse and that’s how we all survive. However, it no longer serves us as adults and we eventually must begin our healing work and it takes a lot of courage to do that.
I’m on this same journey and so often I thought I was done, but I was only just beginning….. And time and time again, I am reminded to have a humble perception of where I am on my path.
If you want to feel inspired, supported, encouraged and validated, I highly recommend you all to read the book “Miss America by Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love” by Marilyn Van Derbur.