One of the hardest things to do is to be true to the Self. Most of us like to think we are being true, but are we really? I know it can be so hard for me to set boundaries and own them without wavering. Time and time again, I re-open up closed doors just to realize that I just betrayed myself again. Mistakes of the past have taught me that when I set limits on what I can deal with at any given time, that I better stick with those limits or I suffer.
Even though I was born a rebellious rabble rousing free spirit, I have always had a tendency to betray my integrity for the sake of another, just to please them—– to be liked back. I gave to get. I knew intuitively what people wanted and expected of me and I tried to give it to them. And I was good at it. I was a chameleon. With each different person, I would sport a different persona. I often wondered why others were able to be so consistent and real and wondered why I had no sense of self. Truth is, not being liked was death for me. I know I’m not alone. In fact? That’s what brings us all together. I know on Facebook people click “like” or “love” on posts they don’t even like or love. I know people use heart emoticons when they’re not feelin’ it. I know people can insult you and end their rant with “I love you” or “love and light”. Have you noticed that? People might flatter you….. because they are needy. People will smile at you…. because they crave to be accepted and/or because they are masking how terrified they really are. People might pretend they are being accepting and loving when they’re really hiding what they think. “Nice” is not real, but it is safe.
What happens when we betray ourselves like this? We begin to resent those whom we have pretended to like since we’re not getting the “love” back. And when we get angry at others, it’s because we might be really angry at ourselves for abandoning our own Integrity.
Anyway, it’s really hard to be True because it’s really hard to be unloved because to be True is to be rejected a lot. Because while True people might be Kind, they are NOT nice. And the spiritually competitive who say they are true to themselves may not be telling the truth So, don’t be discouraged by them. Don’t feel bad if you can’t be true to yourself at this point. We’re all in this together. We learn every time we give our power away and sometimes we have to give away our power over and over and over again before we can learn to be firm about setting boundaries and sticking to them honoring our Sacred Integrity.