Why We Need To Dig Deeper to Understand Child Behavior

Addressing the videos that have gone viral regarding children screaming and crying over not wanting to be forced to eat certain vegetable items.

It’s sad to see that it is becoming a trend for “parents” to take videos of possibly autistic and/or possibly emotionally wounded children having crying fits to then publish them on the internet for the cheap thrills of those who need to feel better about themselves. What if these children have been abducted? We cannot know they are at home for sure. We cannot know the relationship between these kids and whoever might be taking these viral videos. We just know someone is trying to force them against their will to eat something they don’t like which is abusive in and of itself. Shoot. I don’t like bell peppers and I am anything but spoiled.
All I know is that we sure have a lot of opinions about a lot of individuals we have never even met and got to know enough to truly evaluate the these Youtube videos.

Children cry and scream for a GOOD reason. And all I am suggesting is that it might not be because they are spoiled.

I have two friends who have autistic children. I double-dare anyone to try that gig. Both these parents and these children are very brave to be doing this dance with one another. Before you judge, adopt an autistic child without doping them up to the point they become zombies all the while being a stay-at-home parent.

Also, anyone who has a basic understanding of human nature might know that incest and general childhood/infant sexual abuse might be more common since incest especially is unlikely to be reported. No statistic can ever be accurate or even close to reality when it comes to infant/toddler/child sex abuse. Behind closed doors, sexually abused children are being forced to engage and perform sexual favors for the very people who they thought would protect them from abuse to just to be betrayed and their world, shattered. This can cause some children to lose trust in people and do everything they can to feel in control again. In these videos we see people trying to push children to eat their vegetables and this can create a flashback to an event in the past where they might have been forced to do something that is even more abusive. And I cannot apologize for saying this because we are adults here, aren’t we? And it’s about time we find the strength and the courage to start having this dialogue. Just like we think a child should eat a green bean, we adults need to start facing the ugly parts of life. These kids might be filled with rage, shame, terror, helplessness, powerlessness, fear and sadness. They generally have NO outlet or support for these feelings. If you have ever wondered why a child is having a fit over what appears to be “nothing” and they are not autistic, consider they might have been abused by a parent, sibling, babysitter, at an orphanage, by a foster home parent, daycare center, distant relative or at school and using a trivial situation to let some of the pain OUT. I believe getting upset over “spilled milk” is an attempt to release emotions — even though it has nothing to do with “spilled milk”.

People do not get upset over petty matters unless the petty matter is symbolic of a traumatic situation in the past. We don’t need a degree in Child Psychology to know this is just the basic nature of humans. The body wants to heal and this is how our bodies attempt to let go….

Far fetched reasoning? Absolutely not.

:::The Trigger System and How it Works:::
“This is to explain how triggers work when someone has PTSD.
Sometimes, those of us who experience any form of trauma can identify when and why they have been triggered. But sometimes, though, it doesn’t work like that and we can suddenly feel crappy and triggered and not know why. And sometimes, we’re constantly triggered and so don’t know why we always feel crappy. This is something known as the trigger system, I’ll explain below.
A soldier comes home from war, and he gets triggered by fireworks that /directly/ remind him of his experiences in the war. Fireworks are now a primary trigger.
But now say he’s eating chicken when he gets triggered by the fireworks. Chicken is now /associated/ with fireworks, which are a primary trigger so chicken now becomes a secondary trigger.
But this is where it starts to beome really complicated.
Now say he always has chicken when he’s at his mother-in-laws house. His mother-in-law is /associated/ with chicken, which is /associated/ with fireworks that /directly/ remind him of war. His mother-in-law is now a secondary trigger.
You can have any number of secondary triggers associated with a primary trigger. You can have numerous primary triggers too, that directly associate and remind of the trauma.
So your triggers can be miles away from the trauma, but through the trigger system are directly related and do in fact make sense.
Don’t feel like you’re not valid because you can’t identify the reasons why. Your mind is valid, as are you.” ~Maria Sellers

 

If we care about children and we care about the future of the world, we need to think DEEPER and we need to give them the benefit of the doubt. At least be open to the fact that if a kid is having a rage attack, it is not always because they are given too many shiny expensive toys. And it’s not because they are not getting spanked enough. Keep in mind, a lot of kids are also high strung on pharmaceuticals/foreign agents these days and if we don’t think those will have mental side effects, we might be kidding ourselves.

I am insecure, sometimes. I understand the temptation to laugh at “stupid” people to feel self-righteous indignation. If I ever watched a dumb reality show, that is why. I needed to make someone else wrong to make myself feel acceptable. I needed someone to be stupid so I can feel smart. Watching trash TV might be as common as it is for that reason. You don’t have to be punching someone in the face to have a bully mindset. Sometimes we do it at a distance. Just as how children need an outlet to vent their rage and shame over real abuse, look at how we adults are behaving while watching these viral videos of children crying and screaming? Are we any better?

The bottom line is that unless we know the brave walk an individual child is taking and unless we know the ACTUAL — not presumptive — but ACTUAL reason they are screaming or crying, what their unique behind-closed-doors-at-home-situation is like, there is no logical basis for judgement or diagnosis. And I don’t pretend to know why anyone is ever crying or screaming. I am just hoping we can dig deeper, be curious, ask why so that instead of judging, we are learning, developing a higher understanding, forgiving and humbly acknowledging our own humanity.

I know a lot of us don’t like emotions since the emotions in others can trigger off our own repressed emotions we might not be ready to face. Another reason we might be so quick to assume the worst about a child might be because we don’t even like our own inner child. We might think we deserved our own abuse (most often, repressed) as a means of escape. We probably don’t even like the adult within. If we liked ourselves, we wouldn’t be so quick to demonise and further humiliate a complete stranger on the internet who never gave their permission to be filmed in the first place. How do we expect to live in a good world with good people if we don’t take the time to understand children? I hear people saying often “What’s this world coming to?” So, if we want change, it’s starts in the home and so far what we have already been doing for centuries doesn’t seem to be working since violence only begets more of it. But in order to understand children, we need to FIRST understand Ourselves.

 

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