On needing validation….
I need validation sometimes and there is no shame in needing it. When I am having a hard time, it’s nice to know I am understood, that someone gets me. It’s a sharp contrast to our fervent gas-lighting culture. If we are honest with ourselves, we appreciate our feelings validated. I think a lot of us might have the need to be validated repressed, however. This is common because we are all conditioned to believe feelings are bad or wrong right from birth. We are equally programmed to believe that reaching out is a weakness. This is no surprise since it is part of our hyperindependent, hypercompetitive, social darwinistic dog-eats-dog culture.
Third party validation is one of the many keys to healing. That’s how some of us learn to validate ourselves, eventually.
The adult mind might not always need validation. But the child-mind might if they were never validated as children. It is important to make the distinction between the two split minds. It is in the child-mind where trauma lives and that is why validation can be a huge game-changer with regard to healing. Validation is especially needed for those who have felt isolated in their pain all their lives even until death.
Validation shows understanding. We are individuated souls, but also inherently all connected and whether we can admit it or not, we all do need each other. It’s just that right now collectively that need for each other might still be repressed and denied because in that need there might be a lot of repressed pain. We might have had to shut off our needs and our hearts to prevent ever getting hurt again as adults. We might have repressed memories of needing someone in the past as children and were punished in that vulnerable state, so to keep from getting hurt again like that, we have had to block off our most primal aspects of our humanity.
Validation is compassion, connection and what true friendship is all about. Spirituality talks about love a lot, well, validation is what love looks like. I am so sorry there is so much shame induced around needing others. If you feel the need for validation, have no apologies. Needing validation does not make you weak; it makes you human. And it takes guts to be Human.