We complain about complainers; it’s the most common complaint. But when you’re really happy, high-vibing and feeling good about yourself, you won’t mind people who complain. True happiness is not about resistance; it’s about acceptance. As a resistor of people and life myself, I see what it does to my mindspiritbody. Resisting the flaws in others brings my energy down since I am stuffing down the emotions complainers trigger in me and I wind up acting them out. And then I might wind up coming close to or matching the very “negative” vibration I am trying to avoid.
I know this problem all too well. I love my husband to death, but he complains very often. And I resist… very often. I allow his energy to manipulate me and my energy changes. Then I make it his fault. I become a victim. Resistance is victimhood. And I have learned that when I resist, I am basically resisting my own inner-complain-freak. ;)
Oh you should hear me when I rant and complain on an endless loop. :) Can you say projection?
Often what we resist in others is a sign there’s something we need to explore in ourselves. Let’s face it. We can surely influence people, but we cannot change them. There is no “positive button” a person can press and then poof, now they are shitting unicorns. The power of change is within ourselves. Anytime we get triggered or feel resistance, it’s a call to go within and see what’s happening since getting triggered means it’s about us. Maybe them too, but what we ignore is how much it’s about us. The golden key to change is in that gift of realizing how we need to own our own triggers.
My husband isn’t doing anything wrong. He’s just responding to his world. And who I am to tell him how to feel about his world — as if I know what’s going on or where’s he’s been. That’s arrogant to assume I know his path better than he does. Complaining works for him right now. Maybe I need to listen and love him instead? Maybe it’s love that will melt his pain?
Contrary to popular belief, loving people is a very HARD thing to do.
Personal Responsibility is Important: Shadow work requires asking ourselves difficult questions (like the ones below) that give insight into ourselves. Nobody has the ability to trigger you. We trigger ourselves is why we get triggered and we do it because we need to. Yes, there are real annoying people out there, but what’s happening inside you when you are annoyed? It’s all about you now.
This list was created by Bernhard Guenther for those sincerely interested in healing and being better. Because, once you heal? You can embrace diversity and accept people for who they are instead of expecting them to be different for you. And most importantly, once you heal, you understand yourself. And when you understand yourself, you understand others. And once you understand others, it’s much harder to get triggered.
– What do I least want others to know about me?
– What do I tend to have a disproportionate reaction to?
– What am I offended by?
– What person (someone I know or public personas) keeps triggering me?
– What qualities of mine do I often feel aversion toward?
– Which emotions do I consider to be bad or negative?
– Which emotions am I the least comfortable expressing?
– What am I most scared to openly express or share in a relationship?
– What information or topic am I uncomfortable looking into?