On Self-Pity

Healing is very personal. 

We think we know what is best for others. We don’t. We can’t. We can only know our own path. What may look wrong to one person might be very right for another. Sometimes it’s time to suppress when things get overwhelming and sometimes it’s time to face it. Let the individual decide for themselves. I used to judge other’s path. I got impatient when they suppressed and sometimes I still catch myself doing it. But I know better now that it’s only because I’m not doing my own work enough and I am spending too much time suppressing in my own world. When I catch myself making value judgments, I remember why I do it and own it. I am asking others to own their own judgments as well.

If someone looks to you like they are feeling sorry for themselves, feeling too sad, too depressed, too angry, too negative or crying too much… and it makes you feel frustrated? Own that. It’s your stuff. When you see people in their feelings, you could be getting triggered because they might be feeling what you are too afraid to. They might be moving through feelings that you aren’t ready to face yet. They are dealing with issues that might be reminding you of your own. Own that. It’s not their problem. You are likely experiencing flashbacks. You might want to write about this in your journal. Your impatience with others might be coming from your own baggage. See what it is for you. And once you recognize the pattern, the trigger and the original wound, you can start taking responsibility and eventually heal yourself.

The unhealed soul is very impatient.

Feeling sorry for ourselves is really self-compassion. It’s rare. Very few people have compassion for their inner child. I like my inner child and I treat her like my own daughter in the best way I can. I understand her and feel terribly for what she has gone through. I don’t think we really start healing on deep levels until we DO find compassion for the child within us. Most hate their inner children and those that do, will hate the inner children in others. This is why it is so important to pay attention to your frustration with the path of another. Use your triggers to gain insight into yourself.

We get all kinds of judgmental because we might be mad at ourselves for continuing to carry our own repressed wounds. Be very aware of how you perceive other’s journey because that might be  good reflection of your own. Pay attention and resist the temptation to judge. Generally, we judge that which we don’t understand and you just cannot understand others. It’s impossible.

Remember also that  we are mirrors to each other.

Very few know this, but feeling safe is a MUST for deep emotional healing. Probably most of us don’t have a support system in place. Cut people slack. It can take some people lifetimes to heal one wound and unless you have experience relieving yours (and we all eventually do this), you can never know what it feels like. If you are detached from your own wounds, there is no way to understand what someone else’s wound, in their own world, feels like.  Probably a lot of us are living in a shut down state and we only are shut down as we don’t have a support system that allows us to open up. Shutting down is survival until we DO.

We have simple answers for everyone, but in reality, life and healing is too complex for the imagination of those who haven’t even begun this journey. Only the brave are doing this dance. If anything, respect them.


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