I am seeing it makes a lot of people confused when I talk about how important it is to accept people for who they are and where they are — to allow people to have their own world viewpoints, their own diet, their own opinions. People think it means to accept being abused and accept being in toxic environments. This is a black and white thinking problem.
Let me be perfectly clear. I am not talking about abuse. I am not talking about having a lack of boundaries. I am talking about OPINIONS …you know the silly things that divide us. True freedom is ALLOWING others to be who they are and to have their own opinions. You are not free if you spend your who life shaming and pushing those away who think differently.
Also you can love people and still have boundaries. It’s not one or the other. It’s not about this or that. It’s both. Love IS having healthy boundaries. To love the self means you HAVE boundaries.
As children so many of us were victims of having our boundaries violated. I’ve been there. I get it. But we can get so obsessed with boundaries that we can get carried away and misunderstand what people are saying. When we were kids, we didn’t have a choice. We do now. If you create boundaries properly and rationally in relationships, the past won’t repeat itself. In this context, the past is in the past. You are safe now. And know that there is nobody out there trying to tell you to open your boundaries to predators and toxic people. Why would anyone recommend that?
This is why it’s so important to heal the past. When we don’t, everyday becomes a flashback and people in the present are confused with real abusive people from the past. When we don’t heal, our present is viewed through the thick filters of the past; we are still living in the past. THIS IS ANOTHER PRISON.