The Problem with Gratefulness

Gratefulness can be another bypass trap. I think gratefulness is a divine virtue, but like forgiveness, it’s got to be authentic. I can sit around here and tell you all what I am grateful about, but unless I really mean it and unless I am TRULY embodying it through my own ACTIONS, it’s just a word salad geared to get you to be impressed with how grateful I am. …because I want people to like me.

Just like with forgiveness, gratefulness is a natural organic byproduct of healing. Give people time. They will feel it when they have had enough loss in their life. Loss and the grief revolved around loss whether it’s the loss of people or things, generates real authentic gratefulness. How about it if you go to your bank account one day and your money was all gone and there was no way to get reimbursed because the system crash that caused it was too severe? What if you lost your house in a tornado? What if you lost your best friend? If we are here to cultivate and express gratitude as our life plan, our spirit guides might see to it that we experience loss to meet those ends. Life sorts it all out for us, so we don’t need spiritual lectures from spiritual teachers who don’t really understand how Life actually works.

Just like forgiveness, premature inauthentic gratefulness can be another means to bypass difficult emotions and memories. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s good to point out that so many of us work hard to get others to bypass since we may feel so uncomfortable around emotions and complaints.

I know people might mean well when they recommend gratefulness, but for those of us who are on the path to authenticity, for us, it sounds like we need to be fake in order to be lovable and that just kills my heart. If you ever wonder why being authentic is so hard, this is why. It’s due to the societal pressure you and I put on others to be happy, forgiving, grateful, …anything but human. So we learn at an early age to unconsciously manipulate people into liking us because otherwise we’d be all alone. Authenticity = loneliness. We go out of our way to prevent becoming lonely. ..hence so many of us, unknowingly, wear a mask.

I will tell you my husband isn’t able to be grateful. You don’t know where he has been and the demons he is battling with or his programming, all the role models he grew up around… He literally cannot be grateful and that frustrated me. But then I realized that this was a problem with me and not him. What is it with me that I couldn’t accept the absence of his gratitude? I think I just don’t like being alone in my bubble and want him to join so I don’t have to feel how lonely I am here. I think also he was triggering off my own inner cantankerous curmudgeon too because I do have a whiny side to me just like him. When we put pressure on others to be fake, it’s selfish.

We just need to let people be where and who they are and if we cannot accept them in all their glory, we need to look inside to see where that may be coming from because technically the ungrateful party is doing nothing wrong. Also, part of being authentic is being open about your frustration about others not being grateful. We have to allow ourselves to be where and who we are too.

Authenticity is key.

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