I can see, in the pain-avoidant society we live in, why we’d want to believe that the pain we feel is not our own, the nightmares we have had were someone else’s. “Generational trauma” even passed through our DNA gives us good reason to think it is someone else’s pain so that we don’t have to feel the full-on impact of the pain of betrayal and how the people who we expected to love us the most, hurt us the most. This is why I think Shamanistic view of the “generational curse” is another form of spiritual bypass. When we believe our pain belongs to someone else, we then bypass all those hairy sticky difficult uncomfortable emotions. And any work we do will be more ways to dissociate from it while we congratulate ourselves for “healing” the older generation’s wounds.
To address genetic trauma passed down through DNA…. We might have chosen to be born into parents with the same trauma we needed to heal from in previous lifetimes. I think there is confusion between “ancestral lineage” (feeling pain of other souls) the Akashic Records (feeling pain from our own soul from other lifetimes). I think the latter is closer to the truth. It’s not about me healing for others. It’s me healing for me and from my own pain that penetrates layers and layers of previous lifetimes that carried the same persistent wound.
I am having flashbacks from my past because of what happened to me — not my ancestors. My ancestors will do their own healing. It’s not my job to do it for them and it’s not their job to do my healing work for me. It is wishful thinking and another form of spiritual bypass to expect otherwise.
Most of us have some degree of trauma and everyone who does, must do their OWN healing work. We still need to feel what the child could not feel at the time of the abuse: the anger, rage, grief, terror, numbness, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, the sadness and the powerlessness…. We still need to allow our bodies to express what the child body could not. You will eventually notice as I have, there are no cosmic short-cuts to healing.
Why would anyone even WANT someone to do their own work or someone else’s work for them? When you remember we are all here for the challenge and to grow from those challenges, if someone were to do our dirty work for us, where is the growth in that?
The only thing generational about trauma might be that you are likely to REPEAT the cycle or be a conspirator (inadvertently or otherwise) to it if you haven’t healed yourself and/or if you have yet to realize that what happened to you was wrong. Naturally when you heal yourself, you are less likely to wound or conspire (inadvertently or otherwise) to wound another. I don’t believe there is such thing as a lineage-based curse.
While we are all connected, we are still individuals. We are all here for different experiences, roles and adventures. Your experiences are uniquely yours. Your traumas are yours. Your lessons from those traumas are yours. Your feelings that overwhelm you are yours. Your path is yours. The healing is yours to accomplish. What you gain from taking responsibility for your feelings is your reward.
If we are on a sincere quest to heal, we need to stop thinking that pain is “bad” or that it “belongs to someone else”.
“In Science, we learned this the hard way that if you actually cut where a caterpillar is trying to get out of its cocoon — if you cut the cocoon away from the caterpillar, the butterfly dies because the way it actually develops is through the struggle. It is the struggle that forces the blood into the wings that develop the wings so they can actually spread them and fly. Without the struggle, they don’t become a butterfly; they just die. And that’s what happens with most people. Because most people are protected from struggle so they end up dying before they are even dead because they don’t know how to stretch their wings because they’ve never had a struggle that pushed the blood into the parts of the body in their brain and in their spirit that was required to fully develop. Sometimes we think the only way we can support people is by protecting them from pain when in reality, they need to experience the pain in order to develop.” ~Kerwin Rae