The “They Are Imperfect Humans” Excuse

​”They are only human”
“Nobody’s perfect”

…in defense of child molesters and those ​complicit?

OK. Fair enough. I really do think it is important to see we are all imperfect humans who make mistakes. But if they are mistakes, then we need to own them by resisting the temptation to justify them and apologize by never doing it again. And equally important, a real apology involves the perpetrator also allowing the survivor to have their say, their anger, and their grief. Otherwise, the apology is another form of manipulation. We need to mature and learn how to own our human mistakes.

The “they are only imperfect humans” might be the reason and it’s nice to notice that, but they are bad excuses. It’s what people do to deflect responsibility off of themselves because they cannot handle their own guilt. Congratulations, you’re a human, but you still need to take responsibility for your actions if you want to make amends with your former victims.

One thing we commonly forget: Survivors are human too and the most human thing to do is acknowledge our own pain, have compassion for our own pain and allow ourselves to have the emotions associated to that pain. So, if we want the world to acknowledge the humanness in the violators, what about seeing the humanness in the survivors?

When we furnish the abusers with excuse after excuse and attempt to silence the victims as if they are the ones doing something wrong, that is called “reactive abuse”. It is secondary trauma that is as legit as the primary trauma. This is what real retraumatization actually entails. When we put the proverbial tape over the victim’s mouths to prevent their biological inborn healing outlet system, that is as bad if not worse than the original abuse.

You know we live in OppositeLand as the ones who get all the love are the perpetrators and the ones who are demonized are the victims. All the social pressures are always placed on the survivor, but nothing is expected of the aggressors. Really, sit back and think about just how absurd that is.

The solution to this pandemic is not easy. It involves us doing our own healing work. Because once you have started your own healing journey, you will see how upside down our social engineering really is and that is when REAL positive change happens. How the world outside appears before us is contingent upon how we treat those who need help.

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