Her name is Marsha Windish and she transformed dramatically by feeling her emotions all the way through to their completion after years of releasing. When I heard some parts of her story and saw her before and after pictures through her sister, I became intrigued and wanted to hear more and also share her story.
Here is her BEFORE picture or what she looked like before she felt her emotions all the way through:
Another before picture:
The below is her story.
“Ok. I’m been struggling on where to start but I guess I would jump into the two drastic major changes. The first one was in the summer of 2016 when my youngest sister BillieJo invited me to do a meditation with her & what I thought was a group of people. At first I was like how can that happen when I’m not there. She said we can stay in our own homes or wherever we’re at & when he sends a text on it’s time to start I’ll text you. I said ok but honestly meditations are kinda boring & it’s difficult to stay focused, so did he say what the meditation is about or what to focus on. She said he told me to just let what ever thoughts come to you to follow that thought all the way through. So I said ok that actually sound easy. It was in the evening because I had the light from a lamp on & I was working on an embroidery project. Cause when the text from my sister came in that it was time to start I got up & turned the lamp off & it was dark. I remember sitting back down in my chair & saying to myself (I live by myself) ok I’m ready & took 3 deep breaths & then started laughing at first I said out loud why can’t you take this meditation serious Marsha why is it funny to you to which I answered well I’m trying to but it’s funny so just go with the laughter & follow it through to see where it takes you. I then started laughing so hard I was rolling around on the flour holding my stomach & just like that it switched into crying, uncontrollably crying & sobbing to which the memory of my Dad having a hold of myself & my sister Lanette (she’s a year younger than me) by our necks & banging us up against the wall in the bedroom we were in where we lived. I would have been around 4 & she around 3. He then threw us on the bed & was whipping us with his belt until we bled. It was a very traumatic event for me as a young girl which shaped the rest of my life in a fearful way. Anyway during the meditation while I was sobbing I started to see the whole event as if I was above looking down on it as it was happening & I could feel my Dads feelings while he was doing this to us & I reached out to him & said I forgive you Dad you were only acting out of your own unloving events that had happened to you & you have forgotten that you are Loved & then I told him all I wanted to bring to everyone was Love, Light & Laughter. I Hugged him & said I Love You, & just like that it switched to uncontrollable laughter again where I was rolling around on the floor laughing & laughing & laughing & then it switched just as quick back into crying & sobbing again & it brought to the Memory in 2009 when my then husband of 30 years had me pinned down on the floor & was chocking me & screaming I hate you over & over until our son got him off of me. So it was like the other event & I was above looking down on what was happening & I could Feel all of his hate & anger in him. I told him that I forgive you & that I was sorry that I expected him to fix all my problems & that I brought my own baggage into the marriage. I told him that I Loved him & that all I ever wanted to do is bring Love, Light & Laughter into my world. Then the laughing started in again & then it was over just like that. I got up off the floor & thought wow that was the best meditation ever. I turned the lamp on & text my sister & said I don’t know about you but that was a wild ride of a meditation & I feel like I’ve been drugged or something but I know I couldn’t have been cause I’ve been by myself the whole time. I picked up my embroidery project I was working on & started doing that. I remember checking the time & it was around 9 pm. My sister BillieJo got back with me & asked me to let her know what happened so I did & she said nothing like that happened to her. I also remember that time changed for me… meaning it was like time was altogether different, like I was glad I had no obligations to go to for several weeks because I would have not been able to force myself back to our normal time zone. I eventually had to pay close attention to the clock & the calendar to get back into my job & be on a time thing again but it was a struggle to do that because I was experiencing life more in a infinite space where time didn’t really seem to exist as we are use to. I can remember forcing myself to put my embroidery stuff down & telling myself to see if you can go pee & make myself take a drink of water which I did & I looked at the clock & it was after midnight & it shocked me as I thought it had only been a few minutes. I made myself go outside to see if there was a difference between inside & outside cause I thought maybe I’ve just been dreaming & I need to wake up & none of this happened in “real” life. So I stepped outside & it was dark & I could see the moon & I remember being so fascinated with all the details of everything, like being able to open the door & my body just felt everything. Like basically being in Love with myself & my world & all the little things.
So the second major event was a year later in the summer of 2017 when my Sister Lanette asked me if I would like to come to her house & experience a Jap Sen Thai massage. She had taken training on this & had been telling me about it & I was thinking I would like to learn how to do it so that’s what she was doing was inviting me out to experience it from her to see if I would even like it. So I drove myself out to her house & she had a mat on the floor in her living room & was ready so I laid on the mat & she said she would explain what she was doing every step of the way. I was fully aware of everything & was able to focus on what she was saying until she got up to my right arm & was working on it. I started to shake & she said are you ok. I said I don’t know. She said I think it’s just energy moving out so she kept going & started on the left arm & I couldn’t stop shaking & the last thing I remember was saying he’s choking me at that point I felt I was no longer in my body I had went somewhere else at first it was like I was in a library type setting which in my mind seemed like a visual of the Akashic records. (For those who don’t know, The Akashic records is our “history book” of every feeling, thought, action and experience we have had on our human experience penetrating all the layers of past lives or earlier versions of ourselves). I cannot remember everything from that experience other than non stop crying, so much crying. I felt like I was gone & I was never coming back & like I was experiencing events that were from long long long ago. My sister Lanette had called the lady who trained her to ask for her help with me & I think the lady told her to just let the energy move. She called my sister BillieJo & she told her to see if she could get me up & into a cold shower. I wasn’t aware of any of that I’m just going off of what she told me. Her daughter was there so they got me in the shower which I don’t remember. What I do remember is that they were talking to me & I could see this lady in the mirror & I said wow look at her she is so beautiful!! My sister said that’s you Marsha. I remember putting my face up to the mirror because I wanted to see her soul in her eyes. When I did that I remember crying with Joy this time because I did see her soul & she was me & her soul was pure & beautiful. I pulled away from the mirror & started to feel my body which was weird & exciting at the same time. I kept being so in Awww with my body. My sister said I think you should get dressed now & lay down & I’ll fix supper. She helped me get dressed & put me to bed. She brought my phone to me & later it beside the bed. Sometime latter it rang & woke me up. It was my boyfriend who I had been seeing for about 9 months I don’t know what I had said to him I just remember him saying let me talk to your sister. There’s a whole funny story with that. Any way later my sister came & got me so we could eat. The food tasted so amazing. Then her daughter & I went outside to walk around the farm. I was so fascinated by the details in the grass in the trees in the animals in everything. There was so much Love from me & from those living things. I stayed the night with her because at that point I would not have been able to drive. I kept asking her how did I get here & she would tell me. She said your boyfriends really worried about you & I said Omg I have a boyfriend, she said yes but I’m not sure for how long cause none of this makes any since to him. I remember thinking I did talk to him last night & all I could tell him was how I really felt & it probably shocked him. So the next mourning they woke me up & said they had places to go & I could come with them if I wanted. I said no I think I just want to be outside right now. So I stayed outside just being so in Love with life & all the intricate-ness of it radiating from me to it & it to me. I was so thankful for it too. I called my boyfriend & said I don’t know what I said to you but all I know is I would have said the complete truth. He said yes I believe you did. I said so I’m not sure if you want to still be together after all that happened. I told him what I experienced but my sister would have to tell him the rest cause I don’t remember. He said she told me. He said when ever you feel like it I want you to come here to my house. So I called my sister to let her know I felt like I could leave now. The whole time thing was like I had said before where it feels like an illusion on what we know as time. It’s like experiencing life without time. It’s hard to explain but I just know that I would have to make myself look at what time it was or my phone to see what day it was cause it was different for me. I did go to his house & he had all kinds of questions for me & I answered them. Then I said if you don’t want to be with me anymore it’s ok because I know to most people this would just be too weird. I know for sure I scared my sisters & you & I’m sorry that it scared you guys but for me it’s totally amazing & I feel so much lighter like I’m not carrying around past trauma. Like I’m free in my body & soul!! So he said I definitely still want you as my girlfriend I just have a weird girlfriend now.”
Why it’s so important to be true to ourselves and others:
“Well it might be interesting for you to know a continuance from that day while at my boyfriends house…he had some friends come over & he said I’ll try to not let them stay long so that you & I can continue to talk. So I went into the bathroom thinking maybe I could put a cold rag on my face to be able to go out there & talk to them normal like (what ever that mean) so as not to embarrass Dan(my boyfriend) immediately my stomach started hurting & my head too. I went out there & said hi & made a little small talk. Dan & the guy went out on his porch & me a the lady stayed in the house. I asked her how she’s been doing & she started complaining about her life & I was trying really hard to just not say anything but I was in a LOT of pain with my stomach & head & she said are you ok. I said no but I think I know why. She said, “Ok what’s the matter?” I said, “If I try to feel something that I’m not, my body is going to let me know to stop & get back to yourself”. She said, “Ok, that doesn’t make sense.” So I told her that I had just been to my sisters & received a Jap-Sen Thai massage & it caused me to release a lot of held trauma in my body so now I’m more aware if I’m trying to be & feel something that I’m not. She said well if I were you I’d never go back & let her do that again. I took a deep breath & said I most would go back & let her do it again. I’m telling you that my body & soul can feel free now & if I take on something that’s not mine or not Truth I apparently will feel it right away. I told her, “Don’t you understand that what you were telling me is why you have all this pain in your body?” All the while my stomach & head immediately stopped hurting once I was true to myself & didn’t take on her stuff. So then she said, “Well I’m going get my husband cause we really need to go”… & that’s what they did. After they left I told Dan what had happened & I said I’m sorry if this is going to cause embarrassment for you. I can’t be something I’m not for you or for anyone. He grabbed my hand & said Marsha Thank You.
So that was a real lesson for me about how our bodies work with our truth & emotions.
So I have found it extremely important to let myself feel into or maybe I should say when ever I’ve been triggered ( my feelings getting hurt) I allow myself to feel it & let it take me all the way back to where it got triggered in the first place when I was a child. I just keep following the hurt back to see where it originated from. Because I’m aware that I Am Loved by God & my Guides & by Others & I’m Still very much InLove with me so I want to know where the hurt originated from to be able to understand it & feel it so it can be released from my body.
I’m like an innocent soul now. Of course I feel things. Thank God!!! Cause I can feel Real Love too.
I Don’t have that gigantic fear like I use too. In fact I didn’t even understand how much it was holding me back until it got released. Well I should say what has been released so far. Cause I’m like an open child. If there’s more in there it will get triggered then it can get released & that is so awesome!!”
Due to her before and after pictures and her spiritual awakening, I asked if she had changed anything in her diet:
“No purposeful changes to diet. But the interesting thing is when BillieJo had asked me if I felt like I had made a change in my diet or noticed if I had lost weight which I said no. This was after the meditation in 2016. I got back with her a few days later & said, “It made me curious why you asked that question”. So I got on the scales & it showed I had lost about 10 pounds & it made me think hmmm how did that happen? So I tried to think what I was doing different. I realized I wasn’t wanting to eat ice cream or drink coke & I didn’t have a craving for sugar. I hadn’t even noticed any of that until my sister asked me about it. I also noticed that my desire to be out in Nature was number one important to me. Meaning I chose that over watching TV or pretty much anything. So I went on Nature walks very regularly. So now I’d say my weight has leveled out. So from when it started I was around 195 to now around 155.”
When I asked Marsha whether she had any medical problems or had seen any go away after having felt her emotions so deeply:
“As far as I know I don’t have any. I believe my body was able to heal itself with just itself feeling Love & Truth. I totally feel healthy & young even though I’m 59 & a half years old. One thing I noticed right away after the meditation was a sore on my upper left arm that I had for 2 years maybe more that would never heal & the doctor couldn’t figure out why or what it was from, anyway it healed up just like that never to come back.”
This is Marsha’s AFTER picture from feeling her emotions all the way through:
Another AFTER picture….
One more AFTER picture….
When I asked Marsha if she has any fears….
“Lol!!!! That’s so funny to me!!! Yes. Yes I do. Of course I don’t know what they are until they come up. And they do & then I let my self feel them. It’s the neatest thing. Because I’m not trying to not feel. I’m really not trying to do anything but allow myself to feel what I feel. So the fears can’t run my life into scared-mode anymore. I allow them to help me.”
When I asked her if she had always been so in touch with her emotions….
“I think I was in-touch with my emotions always but it’s also the reason why it would make me feel crazy too for reals. Then I would get so angry & lash out cause I simply didn’t understand. The meditation & the massage definitely created a release of held trauma & then an understanding of real Love of my Soul & that my feeling were a gateway to the truth if I allowed it & could trust the process.”
When I asked her about her improvements after she felt her emotions so deeply:
“The first thing was the time thing. I can’t explain that one exactly. It’s just more of being in the present moment. The next thing I noticed was the best feeling of all was my soul felt free & whole & innocent & I could see others more easily in there innocence too. I could feel SO MUCH LOVE for Myself. Like on a Soul Level. I’ve never stopped feeling that for Myself since then. It’s like my body started to line up with how much Love I Had for it.
Plus I stay more true to my feelings no matter what. Like I honor myself that way even though I take the chance of others judging me for whatever they would judge me for.”
I asked her how she deals with judgment now as she is a feeling person in a world that can judge emotional honesty and expression:
“It’s about truth. What I mean by that is…the truth is it’s not my judgment; it’s their’s so it doesn’t affect that I Am still a beautiful innocent Loving Soul. The only way judgment could affect me is if I made myself believe a lie.
If I choose to believe a lie my body will start to show it for Sure & i will feel the pain in it.”
I asked her what advice she’d give to those of us who have trouble accessing our emotions:
“I would say there is a lot of fear keeping you stuck & that’s its perfectly ok & safe to allow yourself the time & space to let what ever fear that chooses to show up in the moment to follow it without trying to stop it & let your fear guide you to the truth of its original cause. I can guarantee the original cause was not because you hated yourself; it would have had to do with what someone else said. So going back there would allow you to understand the truth & give yourself permission to forgive the person & yourself for holding on to it.”
When I asked Marsha if she had expressed any rage?
“No I did not express rage at all. It wasn’t there to express. I just cried. A lot of crying which feels like it was a way of allowing myself to release the held in tears & give them a voice if that makes sense.”
When I asked her how often she cried…
“Whenever I need to. If the emotion comes & it makes me feel like crying I cry. I don’t try to stop it. I really just want to understand why i feel like crying & heal it. I could go weeks or longer without crying. I never know when it will come. Obviously it is likely to come about from some unhealed emotion.”
Thank you all for taking the time to read this interview. I hope it has encouraged some of you who are feeling hopeless or intimidated by feelings. Marsha’s story is proof that the emotions and body are ONE. That if we live in truth, we can be free. Authenticity is the ticket.