Everyone’s journey is different, but I need my healing process to have some big gaps of just plain old fun. I need my comforts and my enjoyments. Some may call them escape mechanisms, but whatever they are, I need to have some enjoyment in my life. I need to get out of the house, need to spend time with my bestie (my husband), need to be silly and goofy, need to watch stuff that makes me laugh, need to play with my cats and spend ample quality time with them since they give me so much joy, need to enjoy delicious food without too much restriction. And…. I need my music.
My music is not only a source of enjoyment, but it is also how I survived my childhood. As early as around 5 years old, I often had a transistor radio up to my ear. I’d often be seen roaming about the house with it right up against my ear. In bed, I’d listen to it, again, right up against my ear. Barry Manilow was my first musical love. At as early as around 9 years old, I’d have his tapes playing and I would stand up in my room and while listening, I would sing along with a fake “microphone” and pretend I was performing for an audience. Old Barry Manilow 70’s music was my life force energy and how I got up every morning out of bed. Quite literally, that is how it was.
My mom bought me a turntable stereo when I got older (right around when disco was in) and I had used that all the time. Sleeping even with music on sometimes. It was my life. Eight-tracks, tapes, records, and the radio. Listening and even imagining stage performances in my head. Something to listen to and something to sing and dance to. It sure was a joy. I wore my headphones in the car on the way to high school. In college, you could find me in my dormitory in the 80’s showering for an hour with my sports radio playing mixed tapes that I’d sing and dance to.
I have a therapeutic process partnership twice a week and last session, I asked my partner if I could play a song. She said yes and so I played a song by Barry Manilow from the 70’s on repeat for around an hour where I cried during the entire time. Barry Manilow’s 70’s songs, in an instant, pull me out of this current dimension and right back to around the time I was around nine years old. I regress emotionally and then feel so deeply how things felt when I was a child at that time. It all happens automatically. You cannot imagine how much relief I got out of that session. Not only does Barry Manilow bring up a lot of pain I have been trying to avoid for years, but I also feel so much love (on the other side of it). It’s like they are two sides of the same coin (both nudging each other). Cousins to love and beauty are emotion, in my experience. When I am listening to Barry, most often, there is no face attached to that love I feel. I just feel profound love that transcends this dimension. Not material love, not the kind of love we think we know. I mean, real, disarming, spiritual deep love inside of my heart that has me in full surrender. Toward the end of the session, I felt the presence of love and support from two people. Their souls both came forward. One was my deceased birth mother and the other one was an old friend. Oh my goodness, my birth mother’s love is so powerful. My heart was in an open place where I could receive it. It reminded me of just how close we are on a soul level. Not spiritual bypass as it allowed me to feel pain so deeply. You might find on your own journey that you won’t be able to go to the darkest places without some feeling of love and support. It would only be spiritual bypass if it blocks emotions. Love is OK to let in. : ) It is radically a healing force.
Music is of vital importance to me be it for healing or for enjoyment. It is not about how I survive anymore, but more about how I am able to connect to deeper parts of myself and to that special transcendental love feeling. That is special and the purest of joys. I thank Barry Manilow for being able to get into my heart in ways I could never explain to another person. Even all the words I type here cannot articulate how grateful I am for what he has done for my life from childhood to surely my own death.
To the average person, Barry’s music might sound silly, cheesy, or shallow, but there is something DEEP and penetrating on the soul-level… his songs just become a part of me. I find Barry’s energy takes me to another “plane of existence”. I will leave this sample for you all. See what this does for you.