I think intensity really means emotion and trauma. Very few people can handle deep emotions and traumatic material from others and this can cause great anxiety that we call “intense”. We blame others, but it’s really our own stuff, our own deeply repressed material, our anxiety. Because that is what “intense” really means when we break it down. I think if we were more honest, we’d say, “I have not gone that deep within myself and when you bring up your material and your tears, it forces me to “see” the pain in me that I am not ready to look at yet.”
What if nobody is intense and they are just able to connect with their inner child and repressed material and emotions?
“Don’t tell me not to cry, to calm it down, not to be so extreme, to be reasonable. I am an emotional creature. It’s how the earth got made, how the wind continues to pollinate. You don’t tell the Atlantic Ocean to behave.”
You are not bad if you cannot emote, but if you are in touch with your primal feelings, the harder it might be to find people who can relate to you and who you can relate to. It can be isolating. But there is hope. I have two people in my life right now that can handle me. It takes time to find your people.