I am so glad there is a “word” for people like myself. My real people are those who aren’t afraid of communication.
“As many of us have found out, silence can be violence when it is used in an effort to wound. It is one of the most potent ways to cause deep suffering. And its very effective, particularly when utilized on highly relational beings. Because highly relational beings are built for dialogue. They are ready, willing and able to process the material that comes up between them and those they are connected with. They don’t know any other way. When they are denied that opportunity, they suffer. And not just on an emotional level- they suffer immunologically as well. They become more at risk of disease when the bridge to expression is blocked. Because all those unsaid words and unprocessed feelings congeal inside, risking their physical well-being. If you are someone who is still carrying the remnants of unresolved material that was denied expression by silent treatment, do your best to move that material through you. If you can’t do it with the silencing aggressor, do it with a therapist, or with another friend. Don’t allow someone else’s silence to imprison you in a museum of old pain. Express it fully, move it on through. It’s not yours for the keeping…” ~Jeff Brown
When I read this quote, it was a sober reminder that all my failed relationships were with those who didn’t want to work things out in a timely manner or who had somehow blocked my speech and did not want dialogue, someone who took my power away. This is my biggest trigger: my voice being taken away. This truly is death for highly relational beings, though, I do realize my reaction to being told I cannot write back or be heard is a trauma-response. But I am crystal clearly aware of those to avoid in the future. I just don’t have time for people I don’t matter enough for to work things out like adults. While I do understand that running from conflict is trauma-based and lots of compassion is needed for that, I cannot for the life of me deal with that in relationships because the trigger is too painful for me. I need friendship out of friends — not a repeat of my past. Not going to do that dance anymore.