Why Healing is Not For Everyone

I don’t think it is possible for some to work on healing right now for the following reasons:

1) You have too many triggers in your current life. For real true healing to happen, one must feel supported and be in a safe environment free from more abuse.

2) You are too fragmented. There is a part of you that wants to heal, but then there are parts of you that are deeply bound by survival-based denial and amnesia; that part of you cannot handle the childhood material because it’s too much especially if you live in a toxic environment being constantly triggered. For healing to happen, ALL parts of yourself need to be on board with healing. For some, the part of them that wants to heal could be in conflict with the parts that are not ready to heal.

Why would some parts of self not be ready to heal other than living with daily triggers?

1) Self-sabotage provides more comfort: A part of you might not feel you deserve to be free and at peace. In order to heal, you have to think that you deserve to and be willing to terminate self-sabotaging behaviors and poor boundaries.

2) You are not interested in self-soothing. If you have never been soothed in your entire life and only know relational discord, it might be impossible to self-soothe and thus be unable to heal. Healing can only happen in an environment that is a direct contrast to the one we grew up in. Without self-care, self-soothing, and enough self-respect to set boundaries, it is challenging to move forward.

3) So long as you think the abuse you went through as a child is your fault, it’s impossible to heal. 

4) Some people are too traumatized to heal. You have to be inside the window of tolerance to be able to heal. If you live in a state of hyper or hypo arousal, healing is impossible unless efforts are made to self-sooth or find support from someone who can be understanding, validating and accepting to get inside the window of tolerance.

For those not ready right now for the work of healing, might be good candidates for medication or therapies that suppress the pain instead of addressing it. While pain suppression is not directly healing, it may lower the level of pain just enough to be able to feel just how bad things are.  And that could be of help to those on the serious path to healing.

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