Adoption Trauma

Paul Sunderland Talks About Adoption and Addiction... If I could ask anything of the world, it would be to better understand trauma. Today, more specifically adoption trauma. Why are some of us so hyper-vigilant in relationships? Why do some adult adoptees push others away before their friends get a chance to? Why are some of... Continue Reading →

The Social Taboo of Need

In our social darwinistic dog-eat-dog-each-human-to-themself culture, needing help from family,  friends, and surprisingly even (sometimes) professionals is unacceptable and something to be ashamed of, generally speaking. Many of us have been brought up to believe it is sexy to be fiercely independent. A badass is someone who works hard and gets it all done by... Continue Reading →

Ready To Face Reality

I just realized the other day that I value Truth over friendship. That is where I'm at now on my journey. Truth is the most important to me. Even the most painful difficult truths. I need truth in every aspect of my life. Truth, for me, is Life. I am ready to face reality at... Continue Reading →

RELATIONSHIPS AND ATTACHMENT

RELATIONSHIPS AND ATTACHMENT Religion and popular culture, as they exploit our trauma-based fear of relational pain, have been programming us to avoid attachments in the name of "spirituality" and "growth" for the longest time. We have all learned to keep people at arms length. Don't let anyone in. Keep relationships shallow and business like. Be... Continue Reading →

Love IS Having Boundaries

I am seeing it makes a lot of people confused when I talk about how important it is to accept people for who they are and where they are -- to allow people to have their own world viewpoints, their own diet, their own opinions. People think it means to accept being abused and accept... Continue Reading →

Sometimes It’s Not About You

It's OK to take things personally sometimes to bring up those buried emotions from unhealed wounds of the past to the surface. We need to take things personally for our healing journey if you consider that. If someone has made you upset, it is not a weakness; it is a call to give full expression... Continue Reading →

An Alternative to Passive Aggression

A perfect way to see our past is through the relationships we have with others in the present. Wonky relationships in the present are sometimes associated with pathological relationships we have had with our role models growing up. We might normalize a dysfunctional upbringing (if we haven't completely repressed it) as a means to cope,... Continue Reading →

How to Deal with Narcissists

How not to be a victim and how to take responsibility for our own feelings and move to a place of empowerment. Change can only happen within and relationships with others help with that. This is why it's so important to have some semblance of a social life as others teach us inadvertently who we... Continue Reading →

The Challenge to Be Kind

It is easy to be kind to those who are just like us. But if we are the kind people we say we are, we will even be kind to those who are different from us. That is how true kindness works. Can you co-exist with someone who marches to a different drum? Or do... Continue Reading →

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